A Few Chosen Four-Letter Words

I fancy calling myself a writer since I was in grade school. The typical academic girl who writes for the school paper until college. But now, I am a writer no more. I cannot even call myself a blogger. Last blog entry was November 2012. Giving up writing is my choice. A very poor choice I believe. But sometimes we make so many poor decisions in our life that we stick by them. This is a classic manifestation of a proud man (woman, in my regard). We forget that we can still do something about it. And by not doing anything, one becomes a foolish man. Pride and foolishness are a deathly pair.

At this point, it is safe to assume that I am a purger. I binge read/watch to forget and when things become too much to handle, I purge my thoughts into words. And yes, this is a disclaimer. This is a purging. Good thing it happens almost once a year. HAHA

What's the cause of this sudden emotional 'indigestion'?

The Youtube movie called Fling. When watching a movie or a TV series, I'm very particular with the actors. I memorize the names and the faces. But this movie seems too unfamiliar with me except one actor who played as Jack in the series Revenge. I stumbled upon it in a Facebook post by a former colleague. I want to watch it but my connection sucked the last time. Out of the blue, I remembered it tonight. Sometimes, perfect timing is weird. It happens when a.) you really needed it, b.) when you don't even care about it, or c.) to give you life's little lesson camouflaged as a book/movie.

I am quite apprehensive to write another review-like write up. The last time was a bomb. It was inspired from the movie, No Strings Attached and written two and a half years ago. I still can remember the dates because I scarcely write and some friends still have some lingering comments about that.

Fling as the movie title implies is a story about a couple with an open relationship. This means they can have affairs with other people and be totally casual about it. Until things become too messed up. It was a totally 'cool' young adult movie. It ran for an hour and a half. I was at my breaking point in the last ten minutes or less.

FIVE YEARS LATER. This is equivalent to a post script in a letter or an epilogue in a novel or a conclusion to a scientific experiment. Sometimes it is a happily ever after. And sometimes, it's about regrets. Fuck that could/should/would haves. Life happens. The 'five years later' in this movie was a double bitch slap or a powerful punch to the solar plexus (depends on your gender).

Five years later for me in real life will be an unwanted welcome to the big 30. Here I am living a life as wonderful and sometimes shitty as it could be. I want to do things and turn back five years from now without regrets but just LESSONS.

Enjoy this epic movie!

P.S. What are your few chosen four-letter words? Mine are FUCK, SHIT, DAMN, LIFE and sometimes LOVE.

CHECK THE LINK:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=br10FY5QtDo

FOUR LOVES

This is my first visit to my ancient, cob-webbed and algae-filled blog account since 23-January-2012. Maybe you want to ask me why I have a perfect memory of my last post. I tell you. My memory is far from perfect. I always plead with partial memory loss, temporary amnesia and sometimes just plain good old insanity. I'm blabbering. Opening my account is like a double bitch slap in the face. It hurts. It's like opening an old wound. There's a scab supposedly healing but not. Because that's what writing is for me. It's a panacea. It's my emotional cleansing. And it's been a long time since I made some 'wound' dressing. A few minutes ago, I received one of the biggest eye openers for me. I neglected my gift of writing. Yes, writing is a gift. But as cliches of cliches went, writers are not born. They are made. And in the span of nine months and nine days I made NOTHING.

Enough drama. There's only so much I can swallow. That's the reason why I'm so hooked with action TV series (the likes of Hawaii 5-0, Homeland, Arrow. I'm not plugging though I love the CBS network. Stop me. This is simple advertising and they are not even paying me a single dollar, dime, quarter nor cent.)

Let's go back to the issue at hand and the cut direct of the matter. Why the sudden urge to write? LOVE. The folly of many, the downfall of some, the hated of few and the belief of optimists.Ooops!(Both hands stretched in the front imitating some traffic enforcer in some busy streets of the metro. Gosh! I miss Philippines. That's another topic to be delved. The flight of ideas is currently not helping.) I AM NOT IN LOVE. As much as I want to say was, is and never will be in love, I don't want to jinx the future of my relationship status. 

Love is a double-edged sword. It may turn you to a nagging, over-possessive, irrational partner or a compassionate, understanding and forgiving friend/lover. But love is a very complex idea in its own and it may take different forms as discussed by C.S. Lewis in his book, Four Loves. He described these forms in Greek thought. There is familial or affectionate love (storge), friendship (philia), romantic love (eros) and spiritual love (agape). Lucky are you who can find these great four loves in one and same person. Thus the concept of SOULMATE.

On a lighter note, why would I have such an idea about nosebleed inducing thought? My penchance for DARK novels written by E.L. James and Sylvia Day had led me to Sylvain Reynard. I 'fell inlove' (I'm a silly little girl so I get to fall inlove with book heroes) with the characters of Christian Grey, Gideon Cross and eventually with Gabriel Emerson. Reynard mentioned the four loves in his book and I contemplated on it. Four loves equate THE soulmate. It will bring me utmost joy and an everlasting gratitude if someone, a generous soul for that matter, can give me that book as Christmas/Birthday present. It sucks when your birthday is just two days away from Christmas, right? People are spared of two gifts and you have the perpetual PMS during the yuletide season.

What is a Soulmate?  Wikipedia says it refers to a person whom we have deep feelings of affinity, friendship, sex or spirituality. Sounds like Four Loves right? Absolutely. Definitely.

Does soulmates exist? I am a believer so I guess they do. Does everyone meet the other half of their soul? Absolutely not. Why? Because we experience petty fights, misunderstandings and break ups. But the loaded question is what will you do if you meet your soulmate (or someone you deeply believe that is THE ONE)? Will you be a coward/pessimist and run like hell? Or will you be the idealist who will take the plunge? Or will you be a realist who will acknowledge this once-in-a-lifetime-lucky-you-if-it-will-happen-again meeting and consequences of possible actions?

But we are a little of those three. In our hearts, we are pessimists/optimists/realists. Our action/response in a situation will analyze what/whose idealism we follow. But I tell you, simply ACKNOWLEDGE.

RECOGNITION. Both your heart and mind will tell you if you meet the person whom you will consider the other/missing half of your soul. Your similarities are endless. You both read the same books, listen to the same genre of music, you have similar talents/capabilities, sometimes you are both in the same profession and same future plans. Too much similarities that you could both overcome and respect your differences.

Love, soulmate, fate, destiny and serendipity fall in the same category. The category of faith and of that powerful something beyond our grasp and understanding. You may or may not meet your soulmate in this lifetime, but if you do, please please please give him/her some due ACKNOWLEDGMENT. You may or may not be together but the One Poweful and All-knowing bestowed you the gift of finally meeting him/her. Most things in life are fleeting and always changing, so give your soulmate the courtesy and recognition he/she deserves.

P.S. I met mine two years back. Unlucky me, he's taken. Now, we are good friends sharing our favorite novels, movies/tv series and music. If you meet yours, be the idealist or realist but never a coward. Be brave!*wink!

                                     (photo credit: flyingsouls.com)

HEAR!

It’s 2012. It’s been ages since I wrote something (either nonsensical or something with value). Writing for me is like a panacea, purging out of emotions and thoughts. But mostly writing is like listening to my inner self. Not the clichéd child in me but the conscience part. Hello SUPERego! Yes, super in all caps because Freud’s analytic al concept of superego is very SUPER in me.

Let’s talk about listening. Wait, sounds ironic. But you know what I mean. Listening doesn’t involve about using one’s sense of hearing. It is also about paying attention, about focusing on other details that we consciously or subconsciously take for granted.

LISTENING TO OTHERS. This is very important. It is good that we absorb all the good words other people say about us. Praises and all. But we tend to be deaf enough when we hear things we don’t want to hear especially if it is about something that we ourselves don’t want to accept. Sounds like denial, right? It takes conscious effort to listen to what others would say about us, what we do, about our decisions because these people are our mirror images. They are life’s instruments. They serve as reflections of our actions when we are blinded. Always remember about what your parents, friends, loved ones even mere acquaintances have to say about you. There’s always a grain of truth to every word they say.

LISTENING TO ONE’S SELF. This one is crucial. It’s a make or break. Our inner voice is a built-in mechanism. It’s a super cop who monitors our every word, thought and deed. After all, who knows you best is only yourself. What you share to others is only a facet of your personality, usually within the boundaries of your comfort zone. So pause for a while and listen. It helps when you are in a dilemma or about to make a major decision. 

At the end of the day, yourself is your very best friend. 

S.A.D.

Separation anxiety disorder is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (like a father, mother, grandparents, and brothers or sisters). Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD), is characterized by significant and recurrent amounts of worry upon (or anticipation of) separation from a child or adolescent's home or from those to whom the child or adolescent is attached. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Separation_anxiety_disorder)

I'm no longer a child but still I experience such. But sometimes you have to let others go (a best friend, a loved one). So here i remain but life goes on.

AERO, THE RAINY DAYS AND SOME LONESOME DAYS

Aero had been busy doing everything and doing nothing. As much as she hates the sun’s UV rays, she hates the rainy days, too. Aero can’t stand too much sunlight because it severely damages her very brittle feathers. And she hates the rain for the obvious reason, she can’t fly. And before this weather discussion takes too much of Aero’s time as well as yours, Aero will spill out her guts and drag you down with her not-so-good (polite way of saying THE WORST. Too much capital, I know. But that’s the sum of it) mood.

After all, misery loves company right? 

But ironically, Aero can’t hear the resounding YES of the Weblog Woods and even the surrounding forest. She’s currently at a point where even in the midst of a thickly populated and a large expanse of a forest, she feels alone. After all, (take note that’s twice already in a span of hundred words. I tell you brain freeze is never good. Especially if you don’t have a sizable amount of brain in the first place.) being lonely all by your lonesome self is such an over kill. Chirp!

As the rain keeps beating  against the thick canopy of trees and Aero’s good enough nest, she’s left with nothing else to do but to “talk” with herself. And she derived some points or the proverbial thoughts to ponder. So you can comment, put some side notes, foot notes or any kind of note later!

1.       No amount of brain freezing or brain withering can strangle a sarcastic mind. Ain’t that obvious huh?! Personality cannot be bought. It is individually developed. It takes TIME. You can’t change overnight. So if you want to change some old dirty habits like nail biting, whirlwind living or a tsunami/super typhoon/hurricane-had-just-passed kind of room you’re living in, it will take some DISCIPLINE. Hey, it’s possible to change. So you can start now.

2.       You are where you want to be. Aero has been living in the Weblog Woods all her life. She may fly but she always finds her way home. Ain’t  that bad right? But sometimes, you need to test the waters(or the land or the sky). You need to test how far you can go. And you will not achieve your destination if you will not go out of your comfort zone. Who doesn’t want comfort??? All of us do. But we need to grow. There’s so much the world can offer. But it will take you a gallon of courage, a glassful of strength, a tumbler of faith, a cup of sacrifice, a tablespoon of perseverance and a pinch of friends who will always boost your spirits when you feel like giving up. Ain’t that much right? Haha. Just take the first step. Be courageous. Be BRAVE! (Take note again. AIN’T overuse and misuse. LOL)

3.       The health of the mind/ psyche is as important as the body. We always replenish our body every few hours with a snack or two in between meals. But sometimes we forget to feed the hunger of our soul. Maybe it be as simple as to write a silly note, to sing loudly and so out of tune, to guffaw (Aero is kind of abusing this word. It simply means to laugh loudly.) or as complex as to love unconditionally or to care endlessly. Feed the hunger of your soul and somehow there will be no room for emptiness (real or imagined).

Aero guessed that three points to ponder is enough. Especially for a bird-sized brain, it’s too taxing! And sometimes you need not to understand it all. You need to act on it. ACTION! (Jackie Chan/Lucy Liu pose)

The bleak weather is over. The symbolical rainbow after the rain is out and Aero can hear the barking of Kei the Shitzu and Bo the Bear. They have plans to go to the beach, eat some baked clam (bon appetite but good luck to Aero’s digestion) and some latte (but Aero is very partial to white caramel macchiato) later. Good company isn’t always about misery, right? Chirp!

what happened to goodbye?

I always have variety. Variety speaks in my choices about music and books. Country and heavy rock songs.  Philosophical and romance books. But I have to be honest with you. I have a “bookshelf” of “trash” reads. (electronic books of modern/contemporary romances.)

I made a covenant between myself and my fast cascading addiction to trash reads that I will read classics by age twenty five. I still have a few years on me. You know I’m still twenteen plus! LOL. I already hid my old “bookshelf” since I’ve been rereading the same books and I tell you that it really is not good. 

I searched for new books to add in my new bookshelf. I downloaded some real heavy stuff (maybe heavy for me but not for you, *wink!). I happen to cross upon a name of a new author Sarah Dessen. Her name appeared in the top something authors of TEEN books. (I know. There’s no teen in my age though how hard I try to put it.) 

Before I sink deeper in Austen, Tolstoy, Twain and other famous writers of the old times, I must make use the remaining years before I beat the 25year-old deadline (Notice that I haven’t mentioned Sir William Shakespeare. Because I feel that reading/dissecting/digesting his works will be in another decade of my life! I was born and raised in times of modern fairy tales, spunky heroines and utterly complex heroes, stories of grandeurs, as well as outlandish creatures. Vampires, were-animals, and feys. So reading a classic is really HARD. Haha.)

And here I am reading a teen book, What Happened To Goodbye? I know it sounds heavy. But basically it’s a highly relatable story of every teen and teenage by heart (that’s me. And maybe you too!)

Synopsis: Girl’s parents divorced. Mom has a new family. Girl’s with her dad. They move around a lot. I really mean a lot. (stated four times in the book because of the father’s occupation. Perky job! Some restaurant wrangler/ overhauler. I hope you got what I mean.) Girl develops different personality types to cope with every new surroundings. And at the end, she faced her problems and went full circle.

Lesson: Everyone has to cope. New situation, old problems, persistent worries. Everyone tries to deal with whatever at hand. May it be a good coping mechanism or a bad one (let’s say not the appropriate one for the situation but not entirely bad), every person feels to do something he/she needs to do. Man is highly adaptive. But adaptation doesn’t necessarily mean productive or a destructive one.

Sometimes answers could be complex but all you need is to be true with yourself.

And when reading a book, there are some lines meant to touch your soul. Sometimes in a light manner but often times as direct assault. And here are some of those inspiring lines for me:

Your past is always your past. Even if you forget it, it remembers you.

But things change. And sometimes, people do as well, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Home wasn’t a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.

Off to watch maybe an episode or two of TVD (The Vampire Diaries). It’s good to read a book with a heartfelt message but the crumbs/left-over emotion is not good for my sanity! Tah-tah!

22.03/08.01.11

TVD

I know. I got obsessed with a TV series. My bad. But honestly, watching it religiously every week since 2009 has given me a sense of purpose. Not to mention anticipation. I just finished watching TVD (for some whose not fanatics and obviously not familiar with the acronym, it’s THE Vampire Diaries! I need not explain about the THE thing.)

So here I am. After posting at my FB wall about it, it was still not enough to unleash whatever  emotion I had since watching the THE series in a marathon for four days (I had breaks you know. I still need to sleep and eat!Haha)

This is a tribute. As my favorite string quartet had tribute albums for Jimi Hendrix, Red Hot, Coldplay, Incubus, The Fray and many others, I myself need to make a tribute for the creators of this series. (if you’re not familiar with the Vitamin String Quartet, they make violin instrumentals about all those rock songs and even pop ones. Yes! My ringtone: Breakeven by the Script as performed by the String Quartet.)

I need to be a honest. I’m a great fan of vampire books. I read a LOT of vamp novels. I really mean a lot. I mentioned them in a blog of mine. I need not repeat it here again because it will be such a BORE. If you know what I mean. But I haven’t finished reading all of L.J. Smith’s books. FYI again, TVD is an adapted series from Ms. Smith’s novels.

I read a few pages of the first book but I can’t continue doing so because A.) There are a lot of differences from the book compared to the series. I don’t blame the script writers. They mean to make the series very catchy for the audience. B.) I can’t imagine Ian Sommerhalder in the book. I’d  rather see him in the flesh, albeit in my tv screen. C.) Both. 

I’m a smolderhalder fanatic. So I might tend to be a LITTLE biased here. My favorite D as in Damon scenes are A.) When he confessed his love Elena (season1, in Elena’s room before he returned the necklace with vervain. After the said confession, he erased her memories about it. Tskk. Sad.) B.) when D finally got in touch with his humanity ( when he comforted Rose, the vamp bitten by the werewolf but whom he drove a stake to the heart. Tskk. Sadder.) C.) when he confessed his love for Elena again! (when D was the one with a werewolf bite and Elena was comforting her in his ‘deathbed.’ Tskk. Saddest.)

I need not be sad. D was cured but Stefan was back to his cursed blood-oholic  with the evil Klaus. There are more to come. Watching the 44 episodes made me realized that I haven’t missed much because I was religiously watching it every single week since 2009 in tv, mind you. Im greatful for the US match airing and all those reruns. I was ‘compelled’ to do the marathon for me to appreciate the season2 finale. It was a trending topic in Twitter last May but I haven’t watched it. I was enjoying myself that time. And finally I had the opportunity to watch it now though two months late.

There are a few lessons.

Love is a sacrifice. There was a whole lot of sacrifices made in this series. For love, friendship, and family. When I was in second year high school, a teacher asked about what is love. All of us gave silly answers. We described it as if it could be quantified. But a classmate answered, SACRIFICE. Over the years, I learned the meaning of it.

Love is not always reciprocated. True. Blessed are those who love and are loved in return. For those who are not so blessed, I guess, it’s better to have loved and lost than not loved at all. It takes a lot of courage to love again after being hurt. To trust again after being devastated.

P.S.

Why I love Damon/Ian Sommerhalder’s character? (as well as millions of ladies out there)

He’s uber hot. He has gorgeous eyes (grey with flecks of blue).  I loved his cynicism, jadedness and devil-may-care attitude. A great mind, a gorgeous body and a bad ass attitude equals total smokin’ hot package. But mostly, I liked him because he loves unconditionally. He loves unselfishly. And he knew firsthand the meaning of love as sacrifice.

Tah-tah! I could finally have a decent sleep. Don’t bite me! Xxxx!

22:16/08.05.2011