IT'S COMPLICATED

Here I go again. I watched a rom-com flick. I was supposed to have a good laugh (I did in the first half or so) and be elated afterwards (I WAS NOT!) Instead of the momentary elation brought about by a romantic comedy film, I received one of the biggest eye-openers of my not-so-active life. What a sucker punch!

First question, what is the name of the supposedly merry go ride movie? Answer, NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Familiar? If yes, thank you. You will spare me further discussions. If not, I will give you an overview. Main actors are Natalie Portman (who had the hang over from being hailed as best actress in both the Golden Globe and Oscars,’ and wonderfully productive. Ehem, cough, pregnant I mean) and Ashton Kutcher (All I could remember was his soo lovable character in A Lot Like Love with Amanda Peet and his emotional portrayal in The Guardian with Kevin Costner.)

As the title implied, they started their relationship with basically no strings aka no emotional entanglement. Simply put, they called themselves sex friends. Later on, though how hard they tried not to involve THE damn emotion, it got in the way. Things got messy, break up next, depression followed, then struggle, then understanding. This is way too simplified because I want you to enjoy this wonderful movie and not get gut punched like me.

As I was watching, I felt that Natalie Portman’s character was so like me in terms of thinking and stand about relationships. She didn’t want complications. Me, too. She wasn’t good in dealing emotions. So am I. She didn’t want someone to complete her because she’s basically fine with herself. So do I. Somewhere in the middle, things changed for her. And for me as well.

THE ENLIGHTENMENT. This part is the life-changing scene where you get a lesson or two from something (in this case, from a movie) without experiencing it yourself. Be thankful! You’re spared! But I guess others were not. And I hope what I learned/reflected from this movie will help you. I do hope so.

So let’s plunge the knife where it cuts deeply. The situation of relationships dubbed as NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

No strings can also be synonymous, or maybe a component, or a whole of the following: KISSING FRIENDS, SEX FRIENDS, FUCK BUDDIES, and the trending NO LABEL RELATIONSHIPS. Any more synonyms?! IT’S COMPLICATED.

 Are you in any of this relationship ‘labels’? Or have you experienced such situation? Or are you in the messier thereafter (making a decision to cross the no string line and be totally emotionally involved)?

Two individuals usually decide to enter a no string relationship because of FREEDOM. (According to my point of view, views gathered from friends and from the aforementioned movie. No personal experience. What a waste! I really like the overused line, according to my personal experience/s… Haha!)

FREEDOM. Usually defined as doing anything you want. If in the context of no string/no label relationship, both parties have the freedom to explore the world and not get emotionally caged. People take pleasure in this type of relationship because a.] they enjoy the intimacy (physically or just plainly, affection from someone) b.] there are no responsibilities involved c.] they are not trapped in the iron bars of given-much distance-concept-as-if-it’s-a-disease COMMITMENT.

No commitment, no responsibility. No responsibility, no quarrel. No quarrel, ‘SMOOTH’ relationship. Or so they thought.

Whether how hard you try to remind yourself that you have no commitments for each other and you are just together for the physical benefits of relationship, sweetheart, I tell you, you will FEEL.

You will feel jealous if he/she becomes interested with another. You will feel like you need to start a fight with your partner just to even test if you are both on the emotional plane. But most of all, you will eventually feel the need for love, belongingness, safety and importantly, security (these could be one and same) provided only by a TRULY EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED relationship.

Everyone has reasons why they opt to have this no strings attached kind of relationship (failed previous ones, cynicism, deception, and many others). But the root cause is FEAR. The fear of being misunderstood, the fear of being rejected and most importantly, the fear of being HURT.  These are all part of the bargain of being in a true relationship.

Prior to watching this movie, my dream relationship is the NO STRINGS ATTACHED. But now I have realized that I will never be truly happy with this mediocrity. Cowardly though may it seem, I want all of it or nothing at all.

It is difficult. But have the COURAGE to step beyond the lines. Cross your boundaries and simply love your man/woman with all the intensity that you can give.

Remember this infamous Shakespeare line, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Editor’s note: WTH?! I know it’s way damn complicated. Haha! Happy Birthday Kei! Xx..